- Czy jest pan przesądny? – pyta ortopeda pacjenta.
- Ależ skąd panie doktorze.
- To dobrze, bo od jutra będzie Pan wstawał tylko lewą nogą.
- Dzisiaj proszę państwa, będziemy mówić o kłamstwie – zaczął profesor, po czym zadał pytanie
- Kto przeczytał moją książkę?
Wszyscy studenci podnieśli ręce.
- A więc proszę państwa, to był przykład kłamstwa. Owszem książkę
napisałem, ale jeszcze nie oddałem do druku.
Sklep w USA, wchodzi polak:
pokazujac odbijanie pilki koszykowej
- ja, need, potrzebowac, pilka, ball, pilka
- ok, you need ball, I understand…
- tak, ball, pilka …. ok, a teraz skup sie…
pokazujac efekt ciecia pilka, mowi
- do meeeetaaaluuuu
Murzyn budzi się rano, spogląda na wnętrze swoich dłoni i z radościa krzyczy: “Yes, yes, yes!!!”, bo czym odwraca dłonie i… “Eeeeeee… 
”
10 COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE
Commandment 1
Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.
***********
YOU ARE OLD WHEN
“OLD” IS WHEN . Your sweetie says, “Let’s go upstairs and make love,” and you answer, “Pick one; I can’t do both!”
“OLD” IS WHEN … Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.
The Best “Out-Of-Office” E-Mail Auto-Replies:
1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
2: I’m not really out of the office. I’m just ignoring you.
Diary of a Blonde Wife
*Monday:*
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It’s fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, “beat 12 eggs separately.” Well, I didn’t have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though.
*Tuesday:*
Astrological Prayers
Aries
Dear God, please give me patience… And could you do it right now?
***********
Taurus
The Grandmother of a just got married American Desi phoned that he was coming to present his beautiful lovely wife to grandma.
The delighted Grandma Desi started giving instructions how to come to their high rise Desi colony retirement Apartment.
An american was touring Mexico. After his day’s sight-seeing, he stops at a local restaurant. While sipping his wine, he notices a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only it looked good, but the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, “What was that you just served the gentleman at the next table?”
The waiter replied, ” Ah, senor, you have excellent taste! Those were the bull’s testicles from the bull-fight this morning. A delicacy!”
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.
‘Come with me’, said St. Peter to the taxi driver.