10 COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE
Commandment 1
Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.
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Commandment 2
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say; talk in your sleep.
YOU ARE OLD WHEN
“OLD” IS WHEN . Your sweetie says, “Let’s go upstairs and make love,” and you answer, “Pick one; I can’t do both!”
“OLD” IS WHEN … Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.
“OLD” IS WHEN … A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
“OLD” IS WHEN … Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
The Best “Out-Of-Office” E-Mail Auto-Replies:
1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
2: I’m not really out of the office. I’m just ignoring you.
3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
Diary of a Blonde Wife
*Monday:*
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It’s fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, “beat 12 eggs separately.” Well, I didn’t have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though.
*Tuesday:*
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, “serve without dressing.” So I didn’t dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them, I think it was the salad.
*Wednesday:*
Astrological Prayers
Aries
Dear God, please give me patience… And could you do it right now?
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Taurus
Dear God, help me accept change, but not too quick.
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The Grandmother of a just got married American Desi phoned that he was coming to present his beautiful lovely wife to grandma.
The delighted Grandma Desi started giving instructions how to come to their high rise Desi colony retirement Apartment.
She started blabbering, “When you come to the front door of the apartment building inside vestibule, My son there is a push button, push it with your Elbow, I will hear and open the door from my apartment for you.
You will hear the pi……pi buzz. You push the door with your Elbow and open. Enter and walk to the Elevator.
The maid wants a raise…..
The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.
The wife was very upset about this and asked:
‘Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?’
Maria: ‘Well, Senora, there are three reasons why I want an increase.
The first is that I iron better than you.’
Wife: ‘Who said you iron better than me?’
Maria: ‘Your husband said so.’
Wife: ‘Oh.’
Maria: ‘The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.’
Wife: ‘Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?’
Maria: ‘Your husband did.’
Wife: ‘Oh.’
Maria: ‘My third reason is that I am a better lover than you..’
Wife (really furious now): ‘Did my husband say that as well?’
Maria: ‘No Senora, the gardener and the poolman did.’
Wife: “So how much do you want?”
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